The JB Random Report End of the Year Awards 2016

Well kids, it’s that time of year again, so possibly for the last time before the holocaust...

NEWS STORY OF THE YEAR – In America, is there really anything else to discuss other than our final decline as a World power? Saying that it is the fault of politicians is just too easy, and lets the ignorant masses that populate our country off the hook. No, our decline happened long before we elected and unqualified, ignorant, racist, misogynistic buffoon as president. Our decline happened the minute we began praising the idiots on reality television thinking that could be us one day. The minute we valued fame over what can actually make us famous, the decline began. The minute we said that it is not important to be good at something, it is not important to know anything, just to go viral, the decline began, and I must say it has come quicker than I thought. Stupid has become cool, and that has finally began to destroy this country. Yes, maybe Paris Hilton can share a small portion of the blame, but you are worse.
It is the anti-intellectualism running rampant in this country that paved the way for Donald Trump to be elected president. The fact that we convinced ourselves that it’s ok to be stupid while the rest of the world surpassed us, is the prevailing reason why we have someone endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan as president. The fact that people actually said on CNN that they voted for Trump because they saw a fake news story on Facebook and thought it was real is the greatest illustration of my point.  

Michelle Obama in a recent sit down with Oprah, said that she felt as if we have no hope, I respectfully disagree and let me tell you why. Yes the ignorant have now taken over, but at this point, they have nowhere to go but down. The ignorant reality TV generation has now reached its summit. Let me tell you what I mean.

When I was in college I had a brilliant Sociology professor named John Louis Cooper, who ended up being my most significant mentor, mostly because I hear his voice every day, and it was his voice that inspired me to protect those protecting water rights at Standing Rock, North Dakota this year. In 1963, Cooper was a college student fresh out of the Army, and already a member of the Civil Rights movement in the United States. When the March on Washington was planned, he was all too eager to participate. He was there, and he watched as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his incredible “I Have a Dream” speech. When Cooper got back home, he immediately quit the movement. When I asked him why so many years later he simply said “Because that was the greatest thing I had ever seen, therefore I knew it was never going to get that good again.” Well he was right.

We have elected a President that fits the analogy perfectly. He is the greatest that reality TV will ever do. A President who would rather be on Twitter than get intelligence briefings. Someone whose own words disqualify him from the most dignified of executive offices, and no one cared because “hey is famous and wants to change things.” A President who appealed to the most ignorant racists that praised him for wanting to ban Muslims, build a wall to keep out the Mexicans yet has a wife who can barely speak English and is herself a foreigner. A President who has been endorsed by the most ignorant of religious fanatics who seem to support him while ignoring the fact that he has 5 children from 3 different baby mommas, and his current wife has posed nude. Now that’s kinda ghetto isn’t it? This coward got 5 deferments to duck service in Vietnam, spoke out against the families of slain veterans, and there were still veterans that supported him. My point is, that Republicans supported him despite the reality that he has no Republican values at all, and we must ask ourselves why, and we must do so in-depth, because barring that I can only come up with one answer: He was elected because he was famous, and a certain group in this country wanted to tell those govern it to go fuck itself. Kind of like a petulant child that finally turned 18 but is still living in their parents basement. Hey assholes, you still need government to be run by qualified people, don’t you realize that?

Last year I said that the coming election was struggle for the soul of this country, and the rest of the world was watching. Well, we showed the world how stupid we are. Letting Russia hack into our electoral process is something that a third world banana republic allows, not the greatest nation in the world. And for assholes like Paul Ryan to say that sanctions imposed by Barack Obama were too little, too late and that his foreign policy has made us weaker in the eyes of the world is interesting, considering that he and his cronies cock-blocked everything that the President has tried to do for eight years.

When the President-elect says that we “need to get over it” and “the computers have complicated lives very greatly” (I’m totally fucking serious this is a direct quote) I am very afraid. Hey asshole, a foreign government just compromised our elections and you seem to think it’s not a big deal. This is why we are finished as a world power. The only thing to worry about now is whether or not one of this ignorant brute’s tweets will start a nuclear war.

Look familiar? Google Nazi salute

Those who voted for Trump, I want to think deeply about something. Do you realize what you have done? You have elected someone that the rest of the world has now seen can be manipulated by a tweet, and can be owned by Vladimir Putin. You have not just compromised our position in the world, you have destroyed it. The worst part about this is, that you really have no idea that you have done it. Your blind hatred of a black president that actually was an exceptional man and would have had an even greater legacy had he not been obstructed at every turn, has lead you to elect a clown, and your only response is “give him a chance?” Really? That’s the best you can do? That is your best defense for this ignoramus? Do you realize what you have done? I can defend Obama’s record of achievement even before he was president. While I am no huge fan of Hillary Clinton, I can also do the same for her. What can you say Trump has done that qualifies him to be President? How is it that his own worlds did not stop you from voting for him? Do you realize that you have done?

QUOTE OF THE YEAR – “Let me ask you: Have you even read the U.S. Constitution? I will gladly lend you my copy. In this document, look for the words liberty and equal protection of law.”

 -  Khizr Khan, father of a slain US Army soldier, in a speech directed at Donald Trump on the final day of the Democratic National Convention, July 28.

Mr. Khan I don’t think you are reading this, but if you are, as a veteran I just want to say thank you, and I am sorry we couldn’t do more, but I promise that I will not stop fighting for what your son believed in, even though I have not worn the uniform for some time now.

Honorable mention goes out to “Rebellions are built on hope.” But more on “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” later.

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR – I didn’t really watch a lot of TV this year so I guess I’ll just give it to whatever it was I watched, and I usually watch the same things. RealTime with Bill Maher was good as always, he finally got his interview with Barack Obama. There was no Homeland, or The Leftovers this year so I guess I’ll go with Bill Maher. 

ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Anyone Who Voted For Donald Trump. If this offends anyone or I lose readership because of it, I really don’t give a shit. But before you do leave just read this one point, Trump voter…I don’t believe all of you are racist, misogynistic or stupid. But your candidate is, and he proved it with his own words. There was no media conspiracy against him, he was just quoted. What bothers me is that you heard the quotes, you saw who he had around him, and you didn’t care. It didn’t bother you to elect this man, what does that say about you?

POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR – Senator Bernie Sanders (D-VT) will not be the next President of the United States. But the fact that he has got as far as he did is something that I have been marveling at for a year now. I loved watching his rallies and how he inspired so many people.

His opponent in the Democratic Primary, Hillary Clinton failed to energize that base when he finally left the race, and unlike Bernie, she disappeared after her election loss, which is why Bernie Sanders wins this award for the second year in a row. After Bernie lost, he went back to work. He didn’t hide and he didn’t whine, he knew the people needed him. He went to Standing Rock (The highest profile politician to do so), and he got back to chairing his committees and Senator-ing, if you will. Hillary Clinton needed to reassure us that she was still here, she did not. 

OVERUSED PHRASE OF THE YEAR – “Bae” Oh please, Fuck Youae. This has to go, it just makes younger people sound stupider than they are and makes old people look ridiculous.

MOVIE OF THE YEAR – Really? There is a debate here that you really feel you need to have? “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story”

ACTOR WHO MANAGED TO GET HIMSELF INTO EVERY COOL MOVIE THIS YEAR – Diego Luna “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” It was a truly awesome movie. Did he do anything else this year? Seriously though, much like “The Matrix” trilogy, I LOVED the fact that Rogue One had so many people of color in leading roles that it was hard to know who was gonna die first…

COOLEST MOVIE WITH SOMEWHAT FAMOUS PEOPLE IN IT THAT YOU STILL DIDN’T (YET/PROBABLY) SEE BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE – “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.” Well there were some not so famous people in the movie, it’s my list so fuck you!

ALBUM OF THE YEAR – “Blue & Lonesome” –The Rolling Stones. What a great fucking album. I guess Keith Richards felt like he wanted to play guitar again. I just wish that they had introduced a few of these tunes during the Ole Tour in South America this year. I saw them in Bogota, and they were fucking awesome. Now you can argue that my expectations may have been low considering that it was my birthday and that they are my all-time favorite band, but if you use clips of that show you will see the world’s greatest rock and roll band turning back the clock.

Oh, by the way “A Moon Shaped Pool” by Radiohead came in a close second (Damn it was the only tour that I missed this year…) Honorable mentions must go out to Iggy Pop for “Post Pop Depression” and David Bowie for what really was his own version of Mozart’s “Requiem,” “Blackstar.” And anyone complaining that there are no acts from this century on this list, I most eloquently say…go fuck yourself it’s my list. But seriously, I listen to more new bands probably than most people because I love music, and I think a lot of them are really good, but this year was just not for anything new, and the best music really was made by those who have known how for a long time.

COOLEST SONG BY A MAJOR ACT THAT WASN’T A BIG HIT – “Wow” – Beck. Such a cool song I can almost forgive that I heard it later in a fucking commercial. But I guess that’s what great non-commercial artists have been most ironically reduced to…commercials.

COOLEST SONG OF THE YEAR – “Goin’ Down” Dinosaur Jr. I guess Renaissance man J Mascis plays music when he feels like it, maybe in-between miniature golf and Olympic skiing. But whenever he gets the band back together something good always happens. In this case, it was a good album “Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not,” with a great song. I have to admit this is not the most current sounding song, but it just made sense in a world that is heading face first into the Apocalypse…

COOLEST ACT OF THE YEAR –Iggy Pop. “Post Pop Depression” was a great album, but what made Iggy so cool this year was his willingness to embrace his indie status while doing things to make him accessible. I kinda liked seeing him on all the talk shows this year, both in the US and in the UK.

SPORTS TEAM OF THE YEAR – The Chicago Cubs, MLB. The Midwest had a pretty good sports year. The Cleveland Cavaliers won their first NBA Championship and finally brought a title to the city of Cleveland, but it was the beloved Cubbies breaking a 108 year old drought in baseball that captured everyone’s heart. Now, being a Yankee fan, I have a distinct seething hatred for Theo Epstein, but this is a guy that has turned around not one, but two perennial losers into World Series winning teams. The Boston Red Sox and now the Chicago Cubs. I think there can be no doubt that he is one of the greatest baseball executives in the history of the game. 

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR – LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers, NBA. This guy did not win his 3^rd NBA Championship by himself, he did have a good team around him, but that block in game 7 though! Plays like that are how legends are made. Not to mention the fact that this team was more dependent on him and he delivered, not just for himself, but for a city that had had nothing to cheer about for decades.

ATHLETE WHO REALLY SHOULD RETIRE – OK Bernard Hopkins, it’s not funny anymore. First of all, what the fuck is wrong with you that you feel the need to spout so much racist crap outside of the ring? I guess that’s why your opponent knocked you out of it.

Anyone thinking I was gonna say Rhonda Rousey is mistaken. After her devastating loss to Amanda Nunes a lot of people were saying that she was finished as a fighter. I do not believe that at all. She needs a proper boxing coach if she is going to continue to insist that she can trade punches with boxers. I would be available of course, all she has to do is call, but I am thinking more along the lines of Roger Mayweather (no, really) or Buddy McGirt. Someone who can teach her to defend and counterpunch properly.
Rhonda Rousey is still a draw and still has a lot to contribute to this sport.

BIGOTED ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR – Giving this award to Donald Trump for the second year in a row would have been easy. But Steve Bannon’s mere existence is living proof that he is not alone. It is one thing to have a few KKK yahoos endorsing you, but when people like the executive chairman of the conservative news site Breitbart are going to be your closest advisors, that is just frightening. It is equally frightening that a conspiracy laden maniacal rant like Breitbart gets so many hits that the President-elect values his opinion enough he is putting him in a key position in the White House. I want to list a few gems here, but at this point why even bother? Everyone seems to think that it is OK to be a racist, and to call it anything other than that, like the “alt-right” is just bullshit. That is who Bannon is, and that is who will have the President’s ear for the next four years.

DEAD PERSON OF THE YEAR – One of the many things that has made this year one of the shittiest ever is the monumental losses we have suffered, politically, culturally, and in the sports world. It was David Bowie in January that set the pace for one of the worst years ever for, not necessarily celebrity deaths (I could give two shits if one of the Kardashians dropped dead) but deaths of people that were so culturally relevant, so much a part of the soundtrack to our lives. So much so, that I even remember where I was when I heard the news of so many of the people I have grown to admire had left us (I was on a mountaintop in Colombia when I heard of Bowie, I was home somehow unable to sleep the night of Muhammad Ali’s death).

And the worst part of all of this, is that I remember writing something similar in this very section last year, foolishly thinking that it would never get as bad. I was wrong. I also thought that this country was too intelligent to elect an idiot for President, so what the fuck do I know. So this year, for the second time in the history of this blog, there is no one person who left us this year that will be more significant than the other.

Of course, Muhammad Ali meant so much more to me personally, but Prince, Bowie, Leonard Cohen, and George Michael so late in the year (just to name a few) are in some form or another, just as significant losses. I was certainly no fan of Fidel Castro, and even less of a fan of the armchair revolutionaries and wanna-be intellectuals that admired this tyrant, but he was an iconic historical figure.

To lose both Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds within 24 hours of each other was nothing short of brutal, and I cannot imagine any family going through that.

All that aside, I will miss the soundtrack to my youth, and I thank all who have left us for being a part of it. 

Here’s hoping the New Year brings you everything you want!