First...Some Observations 10/21/11

OBSERVATIONS ON THE BRONX-BOUND 6 TRAIN

If the brown hair on top of your head totally does not match the graying, less brownish color on the sides, are you really under the impression that you are fooling anyone?

You would think that the worst thing a man in his 60’s could do in 2011 is dress in baggy jeans and a baseball cap as if he were a thug from the 90’s, right? True until you watch him discreetly take out his teeth and put them into a napkin, then into his pocket…

When her shoe laces match the cover of her cell phone and it’s not an accident, yeah…you’re in the ghetto.

So this dumb kid was wearing a t-shirt that read “The Die Young and Rich Club.” Dude, really? Maybe it has yet to dawn on you that you are on the 6 train, stupid. You are just as rich as the homeless guy drooling on you as he takes a nap. Go join his club.

OBSERVATIONS ON PARENTING

Ok so we all know it’s stupid to get a 3 year old Jordan’s if you are on welfare. But what if you are not on welfare, and the Jordan’s are on sale and actually cheaper than the plain NIKE’s? It’s ok then right?

I am sure that “Creeping Death” by Metallica is inappropriate for a 3 year old. But what if he really likes it and has yet to kill anyone? It’s ok then right?

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

So it looks like the Arab Spring continues its body count. Add Libyan maniac and borderline cross-dresser Mummar Qaddafi to the list of Arab dictators who have either been deposed or killed. This really doesn’t present any other problem that we have not addressed before as far as power vacuums in the region go, but what is novel is that this was the first Arab dictator killed by a guy wearing a Yankee cap…WIN! He certainly connected more times than Alex Rodriguez and Mark Teixiera did in the playoffs this year.   

And did I hear Obama right when he said that the troops were finally coming home from Iraq? Republicans were critical as usual. Not just because they are bitter obstructionists who hate anything good that Obama does, but they always seem to have a hard time with politicians who actually keep their campaign promises. It undermines the whole process!

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Actually we are killing them at such a fast rate I don’t think there will be anything left for this section of my blog anymore.

9 9 9...The True Number of the Apocalypse 10/14/11

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

I’m actually enjoying watching the GOP Presidential debates, it kinda reminds me of a bunch of crazed, rabid squirrels trying to get out of a potato sack. However, when they cheer for people being put to death, cheer when that maniac Ron Paul says it’s OK for someone without a health care plan to be allowed to die, and most repulsive, they actually Boo a US Serviceman who just happens to be gay, then they should rename the debates to “The Search for the GOP Candidate Who Most Hates Humanity.” Seriously that one gay soldier in uniform has done more than Michelle Bachmann ever will to serve this country.

This last debate on Bloomberg was a bit of a let down though. Charlie Rose, the debate’s masterful moderator, decided to sit them all at a table rather than give them podiums. He knew that this would greatly reduce the opportunity to directly attack each other because they were sitting in such close proximity. However, it did greatly reduce "the crazy", which is what I always look forward to in a GOP debate. The only bright spot being Herman Cain repeating the phrase “nine, nine, nine” so many times I thought Charlie Rose was actually torturing Heinrich Himmler. 

If you eliminate Fox News from the equation, you will realize that the Teabaggers and the Occupy Wall Street protesters are actually complaining about the same things, the one striking difference is that one group has not been lobotomized by Rush Limbaugh or wearing stupid Colonial-era hats. And much like the term “socialized health care,” it looks like “class warfare” is now the new phrase being used to strike fear into the hearts of white, middle America. This is the phrase that Fox News uses when discussing the Occupy Wall Street protestors. By the way, I think they need a nickname, how about OWLS? That’s proper acronym right? Ok let’s start using it now…

During the Great Depression, this country elected its greatest president of the 20^th Century, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. So good was he, he was elected for 4 terms, and I’m sure that cannot be done without some Republican votes. In order to get the United States out of the Depression, FDR initiated a number of social programs commonly known as the “New Deal.” For his efforts, he was called a “traitor to his class” by rich Americans. This was the scary phrase of the day, and I’m sure FDR wore it proudly. My point is that scary phrases only serve to delay the inevitable; only serve to delay what is right. Maybe “Class Warfare” is not so bad, maybe it’s exactly the war we need right now. A class war in America is certainly more significant than a needless, illegal war in Iraq.

Is it me or is Donald Trump’s spray tan becoming almost as disturbing as his hair?

When was the last time you saw Christina Aguilera, Stevie Nicks and the planet Jupiter in the same room together? I think these three rather large entities are morphing into each other. Did you see her at that Michael Jackson Tribute Concert? For a minute there I thought Snookie fell violently into a vat of peroxide!

SPORTS

RIP to Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, someone whose voice I can imitate perfectly if drunk enough and properly persuaded.

Tim Tebow should be the starting quarterback for the Denver Broncos, but not for the reasons you might think if you watch ESPN. Tebow needs to start because Kyle Orton has been ineffective, and maybe Tebow starting will stir things up a bit. Tebow has worked very hard to reinvent himself as a quarterback who plays within a more structured offense and stays in the pocket as his first option, and that is very commendable. You also cannot deny that he is without a doubt the greatest college football player ever, and deserves to continue to write his own story.

Having said that, this does not mean that you anoint him as the second coming of Christ, or John Elway (I’m not really sure who is more popular in Denver) and it does not mean that right now, he is a better quarterback than Orton or even Brady Quinn, who was actually the 2^nd string QB for the Broncos and was totally passed over when Tebow got the starting job.

The truth is, Tebow had every opportunity in training camp, and during the pre-season to compete for the starting job, and he was outplayed by both Orton and Quinn. Had the coaching staff even remotely believed that Tebow could do the job immideately they would have appeased the fans by giving them what they’ve wanted since last season on week 1, instead of now when the team is 1-4. This move is being made solely because Orton has not played well, and Elway (who is looking more and more like Gary Busey everyday) is not quite high as a kite on Tebow. I don’t know if this will translate to wins, but it will sure be interesting to watch.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Want proof that we need to institute licenses and conduct some type of oversight into whether or not some people are qualified to be parents? How about these assholes…A couple in Massachusetts decided it would be a good idea to spend the day in a corn maze trying to find their way out. Sounds like fun until you realize these two brain tumors went in there with their 3 week old infant. After realizing that they were lost they decided to call 911 and were eventually rescued by a K9 unit. Surprisingly, they asked not to be identified…only Red Sox fans would do something so abysmally stupid.

All My Rowdy Friends Will Be Staying Home 10/7/11

Imagine living in the time of Albert Einstein or Ben Franklin, or the man he has been compared to too many times, Thomas Edison. Imagine living in a time where one person’s ideas change how you do things forever. I remember a time when phones didn’t take pictures, much less leave the house; you could never carry your whole music library in your pocket, and computers were slow and took up a great deal of space. Steve Jobs changed all of that, and we were present to see his achievements change our lives. Much as we take the light bulb for granted, future generations will do the same with the ipod, iphone and so many other innovations born from the mind of this true American visionary.

At a time where American products seemed to be losing their place in the world due to how second rate they have become, Apple was still revered in the rest of the World and was number one in its field; A subtle reminder of how great American ideas still are, and can continue to be if we just set our minds to it. However, did you see those people in Hong Kong actually bowing to a makeshift altar in front of an Apple store there? That was a bit creepy. I don’t know if we will ever see another Steve Jobs, but the fact that we were able to see just one in our lifetime was quite a privilege.

Look, I’m all for protesting Wall Street’s exploitation and naked greed. And not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but this protest is growing everyday and is not getting much coverage from the “lamestream” media. Labor Unions have now endorsed, and even joined in the protests. Over 800 arrests have been made and it looks like they are not going anywhere soon. The problem is that no further steps have been taken, and these protesters look like a bunch of jobless weed smokers with no real agenda except to complain.

This is why this protest must now turn into a movement. And a movement needs direction. They say they want change? OK then why not start by getting on your iphones not just to video tape police action, but to call your congressman and tell him that if Obama’s jobs bill is not passed, they will not get your vote. And while you are at it, let congress know that you will watch their every move, and you will remember any obstructionist, petty action aimed at undermining progress and continuing the status quo. And if you don’t know who your congressman is, then get off your ass and find the fuck out. This way you see, you don’t look like just another asshole protesting just for the sake of protesting.

"Occupy Wall Street"can be a real instrument of change of it has some direction, so get some. Start with a table and a stack of voter registration forms. Then do some research on who and what you are actually protesting. How many bank CEO’s got bonuses after their banks got a bailout? Find out and make them famous. The Manhattan District Attorney’s office is only a few blocks north of where the protests are, get over there and demand an investigation into the mortgage fraud committed by these bailed out banks. It's good to have balls, now get some brains.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US  

Just in case you were wondering whether or not Hank Williams Jr. actually was a redneck moron, here’s something that will help you out…

ESPN decided to no longer use his song to introduce Monday Night Football, because of a reference he made comparing Barack Obama and John Boehner to Hitler and the Israeli Prime Minister playing golf. The joke wasn’t funny and such extreme examples were not needed in order to make a point, but don’t let that take the redneck out of the boy. Now the fact that ESPN thought they could somehow extract political correctness from Hank Williams Jr. is beyond me, this isn’t exactly Tom Morello or Bono.

But Williams makes it worse by saying that by parting ways with him, ESPN has, and I quote, “stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It’s been a great run." See this is what happens when people expect a valid Constitutionally based response from…Hank Williams Jr. Someone needs to tell him that the 1^st Amendment applies to government entities, not private companies like ESPN. And that the network can hire and fire whomever it wants.

Funny how all of Hank Williams Jr.’s supporters now want to boycott ESPN and Monday Night Football. Sounds like an exercise in their right to choose, just like ESPN exercised its right to choose.  God bless America

Wake Up With a Bang...or Boom 9/30/11

So I woke to the news this morning that Anwar al-Awlaki dropped dead. Good news considering that unlike the other yahoos, this guy was American and spoke fluent English, no doubt an incredible advantage when attempting to recruit shitheads here in the US. This guy was involved with 3 of the 9/11 hijackers, the so-called “underwear bomber” and that asshole that was responsible for the shootings in Ft. Hood that left 13 servicemen dead.

Yemen, the country he was killed in, does present a delicate international situation for the United States. Much like the rest of the Middle East, Yemen is experiencing the “Arab Spring” and its population is protesting against their oppressive government. What makes Yemen a bit different is that there are elements of radical Islam in their movement, not to mention a separate civil war going on. As they desperately attempt to hold on to power, the last thing the Yemeni government needs is to be seen as a puppet of the US. And much like Afghanistan, this is a government that is not even in control of the entire region within its borders, which presents and ideal situation for terrorist groups to train and recruit without fearing authorities.

But seriously, it was a drone strike that took these terrorists out. Who else could possibly take credit for that? France? 

Now the last argument to address is that the US has now killed an American citizen without due process of law. OK but let’s not forget that this person also had Yemeni citizenship and that their constitution would have prohibited his extradition. This was a joint effort where both countries determined he was a legitimate threat, and remember this person chose to be a terrorist, chose to be involved in actions which killed Americans and not only participated, but bragged about it. This is not the time to make a Constitutional argument. This man was a clear and proud enemy combatant, and he was treated like one. Remember this is a war not a senior prom.

SPORTS

What an incredibly satisfying end to the baseball regular season. Not only are the Red Sox now the greatest team since the 1927 Yankees, to umm…not even make the playoffs, but the greatest franchise in the history of sports has home field advantage throughout the post season. 

One of the few teams in the National League that I can stand won it all last year, but this year the team I hope makes it to the World Series at least, are the Arizona Diamondbacks. Yes I remember that they won 10 years ago on a weak hit given up by Mariano Rivera, but still. The guy I am rooting for is the same guy I am rooting for to win the Cy Young Award in the NL this year, Ian Kennedy.

A few years ago, I wrote an article praising the Yankees for not giving up their prized pitching prospects to use as a quick fix for the post season. Those arms were Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain and Ian Kennedy. Hughes won 18 games for the Yankees last year, Chamberlain until he got hurt this year was their main set up man, but Kennedy seemed to flounder a bit. I saw him pitch for the Yankees in a game where he threw hard, but made some costly bad pitches. He had some injuries and was eventually traded in a deal that involved Curtis Granderson. Not that Granderson hasn’t paid off, but I will always vote against trading good pitching prospects. I remember writing that I was against the trade and that the Yankees just needed to be more patient with him. Well...I also said that the Yankees should have never let go of John Wettland and keep Mariano Rivera as a set up man one more year, so what the fuck do I know?

This year, Kennedy seemed to pull it all together and win 21 games for the D’Backs. On a rotation where only CC Sabathia is a sure thing, a 20 game winner would have been nice. I don’t know what he will be like next year, but for a guy everyone seemed to give up on, it was nice to see him succeed even if it was only for a year.

I'd Just Rather Talk About Something Else 9/22/11

Two very significant death penalty cases were ultimately decided this week, but I really would just rather talk about sports…

I don’t remember a time in my life that the sport of boxing was not a part of. In the sport’s commercial heyday, both HBO and Showtime would show great fights with, and this was just as important, great undercards. I remember watching both Felix Trinidad and Julio Cesar Chavez on the same card. Terry Norris in one fight and Frankie Randall in another. Ricardo Lopez and Bernard Hopkins, I could go on and on. People got their Pay-Per-View money’s worth back in those days (Jesus I think I just heard my dad's voice as I wrote that). Saturday night was a bit of a throwback to that time, and that is mostly due to the fact that the event’s promoter, Oscar De La Hoya was a fighter of that era. It was great to see Erik Morales dismantle an opponent and turn back the clock for one night. Saul “Canelo” Alvarez is already a star in my book and scored a thrilling knock out in his fight.

As for the main event, I have to say it was a disappointing end to a fight that was off to a great start. I know I was in the minority, but I actually had Victor Ortiz ahead on points against Floyd Mayweather, and I was surprised that commentators Jim Lapley, Larry Merchant, Emmanuel Steward and Harold Lederman were kissing Mayweather’s ass and giving him credit for rounds he clearly didn’t win. Not that I thought Mayweather would ultimately lose the fight, but he wasn’t winning when the fight ended, which is why I was totally shocked that Ortiz would headbutt Mayweather in round 4 after dominating an exchange. It was just stupid…why foul in a round that you were winning?  

As for the Mayweather haters who say that Mayweather sucker punched Ortiz after he was trying to apologize, all I can say is sorry but Floyd did nothing wrong. The last words in a referee’s instructions are “protect yourself at all times.’ Even someone who has never been in a ring but has watched a fight on TV has heard those words uttered repeatedly. When a foul is committed in the ring, the etiquette is that you apologize by touching gloves from a distance, not trying to have a make out session in the ring. Referee Joe Cortez called time in, Ortiz got close and Mayweather threw a legal, combination that knocked Ortiz out. It’s just that simple.

And how great was it when Floyd finally did what I had been hoping someone would do for years…tell Western Lit 101 quoting, self-righteous, pompous ass Larry Merchant to go fuck himself. Remember there is a reason why one of the most likeable figures in boxing no longer works for HBO, it was because he couldn’t get along with Merchant and the network sided with Merchant. I’m sure George Foreman was watching the fight from his ranch laughing his ass off.

Hey Jesse Holley of the Dallas Cowboys, great catch! 77 yards to set up the game winning field goal in overtime, but its Thursday already…you can stop celebrating now.

When you have been a Yankee fan as long as I have, you get to witness a lot of history. This summer really has been one for the ages as far as Yankee history goes. In July we saw Derek Jeter get his 3,000^th hit, and Tuesday we witnessed the greatest relief pitcher ever get his 602^nd regular season save, standing alone with the all time record.

Now I’d like to know why post season saves don’t count. They are saves and they are being achieved in a major league game. Post-season homeruns go to a player’s total, so why not saves? Even without the 602, Mariano Rivera is still the greatest closer ever, he didn’t need the number to prove that. Which is why I was surprised when some New York newspapers had headlines seeming to indicate that the “debate” was now over. Uhhh…What debate? Even the Yankee haters at ESPN have to acknowledge that no one comes close to Mariano Rivera as a relief pitcher. If there was ever a debate I missed it.

And speaking of the Yankees, I hope you all stayed up late to watch them win their 17^th American League East Division title since the format began in 1969. I know how surprised everyone was, particularly the Yankee haters at ESPN, considering they picked Boston to win it all.

One obtuse hater in particular (Yes Eric Ortiz, I mean you) actually wrote that this year’s Red Sox team could actually surpass the 1927 Yankees. Surpass the 1927 Yankees? In what exactly? Did they manage to eat more hot dogs and bang more strippers than Babe Ruth? Because other than that, it is an insult to my intelligence and an even bigger insult to the history of baseball to compare a team that has won nothing and probably will miss the playoffs to the greatest baseball team of all time. You know, I feel the same sense of pity for delusional Red Sox fans pretending to be objective sports writers as I do for LaToya Jackson every time she releases an album. I love Yankee haters, they fuel the fires necessary for the Yankees to make the post season every year (except 2008 of course, when the team was going through a transitional period) since 1995.

And I hate to kick the Red Sox when they are down but…well actually I rather enjoy it…As if to add insult to injury, Boston Red Sox lefthander Erik Bedard lasted only 2 2/3 innings in his start Tuesday night. You would think that would be the worst part of his evening until you factor in that just prior to the game Bedard was served with court papers demanding an increase in child support payments. By itself it might not be that insulting until he saw the process server presenting him with the court order was wearing a Yankees shirt. Brilliant!

Some Random Thoughts 9/16/11...

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS

So did you see George W Bush at the Jets-Cowboys game doing the coin toss? When the ref called out “heads!” Bush looked behind himself to see if his was still up his ass…

OK when you have 4 hours of amazing sex with someone, then stop calling because you want to go back to your ex-boyfriend, you can’t get mad at the guy for not being upset enough. YOU are the one leaving him for someone else, and doing it while the bed is still warm. So believe it or not, he actually owes you no emotion after that you ignorant, self-absorbed bitch.

Congratulations, you just set the women’s movement back another 50 years. Yeah, that’s all we need…now Hillary will never get elected. Both Hillary and Gloria Steinem are giving you the virtual finger as we speak….Wanna see emotion? Try keeping it real with your new boyfriend and tell him you were fucking someone else two days ago!

Paul McCartney can be the first billionaire musician, but can’t seems to grasp the fact that marriage just isn’t for him. Dude, you wrote “Band on the Run,” I wanna believe you know better.  

I will not get into this week’s GOP debate moderated by Wolf Blitzer, except to say this…When the moderator presents a hypothetical where a young man decides not to buy health insurance because he is in good shape, then gets into an accident and Ron Paul says he should have had a health plan, Blitzer responds with “should we just let him die?” and the audience shouts “Yeah!” Then these Teabagger redneck morons are not funny anymore, they are maniacal and dangerous and I don’t think I like sharing the country that I served, with you.

And for Michele Bachmann to demand immigrants learn English and American history in order to stay here is quite surprising considering she barely knows either one. And why should the GOP even address illegal immigration? If they cut every entitlement our citizens enjoy like they want to, immigrants won’t wanna come here anyway.

Ortiz – Mayweather…who ya got? I think Floyd wears him down in the late rounds and might just even stop Victor Ortiz in the 10^th round. Floyd isn’t the knock out fighter he was 10 years ago, but then again none of us are. And I can’t get by the fact that Ortiz did quit in the ring a few years ago against Marcos Maidana. But everyone and his mother says the same thing, Maywether will never leave the legacy he is looking for unless he fights Manny Paquiao.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

When you call 911 on Taco Bell because they refused to serve you as you walked through the Drive-Thru, you really do deserve to spend the night in jail.

The President is Your Pre-Game Show? Go NFL! 9/9/11

I’ll start with this and I will keep it simple…Everyone here in New York City or any one anywhere else that was affected by the events of September 11^th, 2001 has earned the right to commemorate the 10^th anniversary as they see fit. I have chosen not to “commemorate” at all. In a history class, it is crucial to examine these events, or they may be repeated. But at home, I have certainly earned the right to reflect in my own way, and watching ten year old footage of one of the worst days of my life is not how I wish to honor anyone’s memory.

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

President Barack Obama’s job creation speech was the first time I had seen him fired up since he won the election. Now to their credit, even Republicans who are usually terrified of any good idea coming from the big black president who wants to take away their guns and bibles have been mildly supportive. Then you have the Teabagger maniacs saying that his ideas are just a re-hashing of the 2008 government bail-out of the banking and auto industry. Actually, they are right, it was a re-hashing of old ideas; infrastructure spending was a big part of Franklin D Roosevelt’s  “New Deal” and that worked out pretty well. And for a group that seems to love to invoke Ronald Reagan’s presidency when attempting to revise history (see below), I am surprised that they failed to notice elements of the 1986 Tax Reform Act in Obama’s plan to give tax breaks to those who deserve it-small businesses and the middle class. I guess even Republicans realize that sometimes you just have to listen to the smart guy.

Did you see that Republican Presidential debate on MSNBC? I am actually glad that Obama decided to move his speech up an extra day, or we would have missed a carnival of clowns worthy of Ringling Brothers, right on cable TV without actually having to pay for the circus. Other than attacking the president and sticking to typical Teabagger talking points, there was really nothing new here, but it was still fun to see these people ramble about how we need a wall all along the Mexican border to keep out illegal aliens. Yeah because the ones in China and Berlin worked out so well, didn’t they? Let’s see...one is a tourist attraction and the other one no longer exists. It was incredibly creepy to hear cheering and applause after the moderator pointed out to Texas Gov. Rick Perry how many people the state of Texas had executed (Yeee Haaa!).

And of course, no Republican debate would be complete without Ron Paul bringing the crazy, saying that government should not be regulating anything at all. I guess he likes to pay outrageous credit card fees. Maybe his plane won’t crash into another one after he becomes president and abolishes the FAA, and I’m sure a little mercury and lead in his tap water probably sounds tasty right about now; about as tasty as cow feces in his now unregulated cheeseburger.

Newt Gingrich, after a rough start to his campaign actually looked like a moderate (I can’t believe I just wrote that, but its true). Only after he brilliantly accused the moderator of trying to get the candidates to “fight each other,” (Ahh…Newt, it’s a debate, so that’s kinda the idea) he actually came across as even-handed and intelligent. Well, in this group that bar wasn’t exactly set that high to begin with, but still.

One candidate that does scare me a bit is former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman. For a Mormon, this guy actually came across as the most level-headed and intelligent one of the whole bunch. If his party were not currently being hijacked by redneck yahoos, he would have a real shot not just at the nomination, but of actually beating Barack Obama. This man was by far the most truthful speaker. He didn’t reject science, didn’t advocate anything too extreme and touted his experience in World affairs, all while not directly attacking anyone else on stage. It is that last part however, that makes him way too reasonable and intelligent to be nominated, and his poll numbers show that. 

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Our seemingly blind adoration of Ronald Reagan due to revisionist history and the fact that Republicans have no great president in the past 100 years of American history  to hang their hat on. One thing I kept hearing during the Republican debate was “Ronald Reagan would have done…” or “Just like Ronald Reagan I would…” Look, to paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen, I knew Ronald Reagan, I lived through Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan was my President…Teabagger nitwits, you are no Ronald Reagan!

Let me give you a history lesson…When you say “Ronald Reagan never would have raised taxes.” You are, as always, wrong; he raised them 11 times during his presidency.

When you idiots say “Ronald Reagan would have been tough on terrorists and wouldn’t have ducked and ran,” you forget 1983 when 300 US Marines were killed in a bomb attack on their barracks in Beirut, and Reagan responded by pulling them out and never retaliating.

“Ronald Reagan would be tough on immigration.” Really? Tell that to the 3 million illegal immigrants who entered this country before 1982 that he signed an amnesty bill for.

During the debate, whenever those GOP morons challenged their opponents on stage with “I can’t believe you are standing in the Reagan Library saying…” I thought my head was gonna explode. The response should have been, “I can believe it, and so would Reagan!” Seriously, if Reagan were alive today and standing on that stage, besides not being able to remember who the fuck he was, he would also be the most leftist candidate standing there, which is a harsh testament to how little progress this country has made.