The Echos of The Field 3/31/11

I’m so not in the mood to talk about what is wrong with sports - Ohio State’s Jim Tressel and his questionable violation reporting, the developing Auburn story, the NFL lockout and the impending NBA lock out, or the fact that the Knicks have a $200 million payroll that can’t play defense. I would like today to be about celebrating what is good in sports

THE ECHOES OF THE FIELD

Sunrise…

What was darkness turns green and brown

A slow rise to life, at first without a sound

Morning dew weighs on every blade of grass

Murmurs of the dawn echo across the field

Echoes of hope, glory, heroes long past

For some the beginning

For others the last

That misty trot through the tunnel where so many have past

A worn rank and file

Collected dreams in a pile

But I tip my cap and smile as…

I am once again a child.

Happy Opening Day!

So How's Your Week Going So Far? 3/24/11

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Well I decided not to write last week because it was my birthday and I was on vacation. Besides, nothing really interesting happened last week, did it?

OK so let’s get to Libya first…
It doesn’t matter that the US is not going in there on its own, with an only slightly clearer objective than the previous two wars, that no ground troops are being committed or that it is mostly a humanitarian mission, it’s still the US meddling in the Middle East, a place where our relationships are, at best, shaky. I have always been a huge supporter of President Barack Obama, and I believe he wants the right thing, but we really should stay totally out of it and let our European allies take the blame for something this time. But the best reaction is, of course, coming from the Republican retards that have spent the past 7 years defending a misguided war in Iraq now criticizing the President for actions that actually have United Nations approval. I guess they are just not used to international support.

As for Japan, my heart goes out to all the victims, but I must say I am more concerned with the condition of that nuclear reactor. Remember, the Japanese don’t exactly have fond memories of atomic energy and what it can do. Not just in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but Godzilla as well! And once again Americans have taken it upon themselves to make it about them, asking pharmacists even here in New York, for Potassium Iodine pills. Really? Don’t you fucking people have anything better to do? How about you take whatever cash you were going to spend on yet another medication you don’t need and donate it instead to disaster relief efforts in Japan?

All of Hollywood was shocked yesterday when 79 year old Elizabeth Taylor dropped dead. I was shocked too, I thought she died ten years ago.

SPORTS

So how’s your bracket? I have not had one this bad since 1999, and I didn’t even make crazy picks, but when a 12 and 13 seed are both in the Sweet 16, anything can happen. Obama is killing me for the first time in 3 years. I am happy to report that UNC has made it to the Sweet 16 with only 7 scholarship players. That being said, ESPN resident groupie Doug Gottlieb called UNC the “most overrated team in the Sweet 16.” Really? How can you be overrated and in the Sweet 16? Isn’t a #2 seed supposed to be in the Sweet 16? Over achieving team maybe, considering how weak their bench is, but overrated? Are you a Duke fan?

Then there is the whole Bruce Pearl situation. Of course Tennessee was going to lose in the tournament if the AD makes a statement a day before the game saying that his coach’s future was “uncertain.” Way to support a team that needs to win sir! Maybe you should be fired too. Better yet, let’s wait until your birthday or Christmas, so you can see what bad timing feels like. Look, Pearl made some mistakes, but compared to what’s going on in college basketball his infractions were minor, and it’s not like he didn’t pay for them. He was not only a winner, but he was a very enthusiastic supporter of the school’s other athletic teams as well. I think he will be missed at Tennessee.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Chris Brown. Seriously what does this guy have to be mad about? He was told beforehand what Robin Roberts was going to ask him during his interview on Good Morning America, and could have easily chosen not to participate, not have a meltdown that broke a window onto the street. Can you imagine if that broken glass had hit a woman with a stroller? How can this asshole not see past himself? Seriously does this guy think he is interesting beyond the fact that he beat up Rihanna? It’s not like he hit the game winning shot that sent his team to the NBA Finals or invented a cure for cancer.

It's Always Funny Till Someone Gets Hurt 3/10/11

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

I don’t know about you, but I kinda stopped laughing at that whole Charlie Sheen thing. It’s really not that funny anymore. Now it’s just sad. Usually this is something I would continue to mercilessly make fun of, but even I’m inspired to be a bit sensitive, and I’m just about un-inspirable.

One of the rarest things that any so-called journalist can be these days is impartial, which is why the loss of Pulitzer Prize-winning Washington Post political columnist David Broder could not have come at a worse time. Intelligent, and even-handed, the “Dean of the White House Press Corps” gained prominence in 1973 for his clear and compelling explanation of the Watergate scandal that lead to President Richard Nixon’s resignation.
I’ll miss him most on "Meet the Press."

And how about this Peter King huh? The Republican US Representative of New York held hearings today on the radicalization of Muslims in the US. According to stats pulled from the reliable source known as his ass, 85 percent of the leaders of American mosques have extremist views and Muslims often do not cooperate with law enforcement. How can this man be this out of touch and not realize how this will even further alienate the law abiding Muslim community? I am glad to see however, that King has taken such a strong stance against terrorism, I mean it’s not like he has ever endorsed a terrorists group himself, like the IRA or anything. Now he has been quoted as saying that there are no significant parallels between the IRA and Al-Qaeda, but I think both being called terrorists groups is pretty significant parallel, as do the hundreds of Irish civilians who have been killed or injured by their hand. And you know what else? Bono of U2 thinks they are terrorists, and I get all my political opinions from Bono, so shame on you Peter King!

SPORTS

As I do every March…”It’s Tournament time Baaaby!!!” So the Tar Heels beat the Ducks, I mean, Duke yet again, and still can’t get above them in the polls. Typical Blue Devil ass-kissing. My number one seeds so far would be Kansas (who always disappoints me), Ohio State, Pittsburgh (one of about 10 schools from the Big East who should make it in this year), and after the week they have had and if they win the ACC Tournament, Carolina baby! I know I’m being a fan, but they have come along way since giving the starting job to Kendall Marshall and letting him run the offense.
As for the Big East, I think that my alma mater, St. John’s, is proof of what you can do when you have a lot of seniors and a good head coach. I know they barely got by Rutgers thanks to a horrible call, but they have not been ranked this high in ages. Then there is Notre Dame, who also has not been relevant in basketball for a while, and here they are with the Big East player of the year in Ben Hansbrough, yeah Tyler’s brother. This has been a great year for the Big East conference.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

I think I just saw the dumbest commercial I have ever seen, and during Women’s History Month, too. Have you seen that Bud Light ad where an alien race of hot chicks comes down in a spacecraft and offers to trade Bud Light if the men agree to leave with them? Needless to say hot women and a lifetime supply of beer will get any man to leave the Earth, but in the end, the women all cheer and shout “Here We Go!” as if to celebrate the fact that the men are gone and they have a lot of beer. OK do you femenazi morons really think you got the better deal? Is this the message? I hope the aliens threw in a few warp speed powered vibrators and you all enjoy going down on each other.

All Charlie...All The Time 3/3/11

My pitch for a new cable network…All Charlie Sheen, all the time! There should be a camera on this guy even when he sleeps; I can imagine the insane, seemingly real nightmares that awaken this delusional, borderline schizophrenic in a screaming cold sweat are just as entertaining and pathological as he is. Now I’m sure that everyone at this point has their own personal favorite Charlie Sheen rant, but my favorite has to be him saying that he is ready to film “Major League 3” a movie that was already made in the 90’s, without him. That’s classic!

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

These protests in Libya have turned into an all out civil war, and President Barack Obama has made his strongest statements on the matter in a press conference this afternoon. Here’s an idea…instead of “preparing all options” including a military one, how about we tell our “allies” who actually have a relationship with Libya, to step up to the plate and pressure Qaddafi? Why is it that the United States is always called upon when the rest of the world can’t fight its own battles? We are involved in two wars right now; we can’t afford to clean up the rest of the world’s problems too. Sure you can argue that we have some vested interest, but European nations have more. Why is it that Europe is always willing to fight to last American life? Why doesn’t France, those snail-eating cowards who wouldn’t let us fly our planes over their airspace when we did attack Libya in 1986, handle this? Oh yeah I forgot, this would require them having a spine.

This is where it gets tough…I will not condone the actions of Pfc. Bradley Manning, the Army private accused of providing a treasure trove of classified government documents to WikiLeaks. If he is found guilty, he needs to pay the price. Anyone thinking that this is a freedom of speech issue should volunteer their personal information for me to publicly post on this blog. There is a reason things are classified, and he knew that. Having said that, the Government has decided to charge him with an Article 104, which is complete bullshit. That in a nutshell for you civilians is “Aiding the enemy,” which could give him life or in some cases the death penalty. Unless Wikileaks was a declared an enemy of the United States by a formal declaration of war or other military action, charging him with this is just legal posturing, and is yet another reason why the government’s intelligence is never taken seriously.

Trent Reznor at the Academy Awards? Don’t get it twisted, I’m happy that this great musician, who has written some of my favorite songs, has gotten some recognition, but it was just hard to watch the guy who wrote “Starfuckers Incorporated” wearing a tuxedo and getting an Oscar.

SPORTS

Brandon Davies, the third leading scorer and top rebounder on the BYU basketball team was kicked out for violations of the Honor Code. As it turns out, the violation had nothing to do with drugs or a DUI, but the fact that the kid was having sex with his girlfriend. First of all he deserves to be kicked out for admitting it, unless they snuck a camera into his room. And how does BYU expect to make it to the Final Four if all their guys are backed up from not getting laid? Can you imagine if every college kicked you out for that? There would be no one left in school. I guess real Mormons are a lot weirder than on “Big Love.”

THIS WEEK’S REASONS WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

An early entry for my JB Random Report Parents of the Year are Sandra and James Davis, from ironically enough, Dodge County, Georgia. These two winners pleaded guilty to having their 14-year-old daughter engage in sex with a man so that they would not have to make monthly payments on their secondhand minivan. The used car dealer was also arrested. I wonder if the sheriff would have been more lenient if it was a Ford?

And no indictment of America would be complete without a good Facebook feud! Police in Brooklyn arrested a teenage mother and charged her with second-degree murder for allegedly stabbing her friend over a dispute about a $20 loan for diapers that escalated into a Facebook feud, then a stabbing. Kayla Henriques, 18, was arrested early Tuesday and charged with second-degree murder and criminal possession of a weapon, police said. I guess in their world diapers are as valuable as crack and are worth dying for.

United States of America...We Make Assholes Famous! 2/25/11

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

Look, not that I am not in total awe of the changes happening in the Middle East, and my heart goes out to anyone who is a victim of violence and oppression, but can we keep Col. Muammar Qaddafi for just a little while longer? That’s how it’s spelled by the way, for all you news media outlets getting it wrong. Seriously, for better or worse he is a world leader and you should at least know his name if you are to be taken seriously as a news source. One thing that should also be taken seriously is how entertaining his obvious mental illness is. Not one more person should die because of this asshole, not in Libya, not in Bahrain, not anywhere. But boy is he fun to watch. He has blamed Al-Qaeda, drug laced coffee, Justin Bieber, the Carmelo Anthony trade and global warming for the current unrest in his country. And have you seen how crazy his kids are too?

SPORTS

So…did anything interesting happen in New York sports this week? I was always against the trade for Carmelo Anthony not because of him, but because it looked like yet another abysmally stupid deal being made by the Knicks. But then team owner Jim Dolan reassured the public that Isiah Thomas, that Trump-esque wheeler dealer that brought us Eddy Curry, was not involved in the trade. I’m serious he actually felt he had to address that in his press conference.
Then there was the gutting of the team that troubled me. Giving up a great up and coming point guard in Raymond Felton (A Carolina man), a great shooter in Danilo Galinari, and some key bench players at this stage of the season might not be the best thing for chemistry. I didn’t worry too much about the draft picks because the Knicks have not made a decent one since 1985.
In the end, what you have to say to yourself is that, it’s Carmelo Anthony. You know, 4 time NBA All-Star, top 5 scorer in the league, Olympic gold medal winner, yeah that guy! Then couple that with the fact that he actually wants to be here, something that is new to the Knicks. If you are expecting the Knicks to win the championship this year, then it was a bad trade, and your expectations are unrealistic. But if you were expecting this to make the Knicks interesting again, then it was a great trade.
You know who has been great in all this? Ama’re Stoudamire. He knows that eventually this will be Carmelo’s team, and he has been nothing but welcoming none the less. For someone who didn’t play in college, he is certainly smart enough to know that Carmelo only makes his chances of winning a championship and being part of a relevant team only that much better.

THIS WEEK’S REASON MY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

Is there anyone more hateful than Jennifer Lopez? Not that I’m really watching American Idol anymore, but her sobbing incessantly over someone she didn’t choose to be in the Top 24 is just the epitome of self-absorption, and a complete disregard for the segment of the person she was so sad about dismissing, as her and her blubbering took it over. And what do Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson do? Instead of quietly reminding her that the show is actually not about her, they enable the situation by trying to comfort her, all while the cameras are rolling. Man I miss Simon Cowell.

There are many reasons to ignore the mindless pop drivel of self loving creeps like Mariah Carey and Beyonce…and here’s another one!
It looks like these two assholes, as did Usher and Lionel Ritchie for full disclosure, took millions to actually perform for the Qaddafi family. Great, where is Little Steven when you need him? Don’t we have anyone in music today willing to take a stand on anything, and didn’t Lionel Ritchie write “We Are the World?”
Where is this generations battle cry of “I ain’t gonna play Sun City?” Now the only thing you hear from these soon to be irrelevant assholes is “how long does my sex tape have to be in order to get famous?”

I don’t know about you, but Charlie Sheen just moved up 12 spots on my “Celebrity Train Wreck Death Pool.”

Under Cover 2/17/11

Once in a while I enjoy playing this game called 15/15 that I believe was invented by my friend Henry Mena. What he does is write a note to all his fellow music geeks, picks a music category and asks for 15 entries in 15 minutes. Some have included “15 greatest guitarists,” “15 great 80’s songs,” and the other day “15 favorite cover songs.” He had Peter Frampton’s cover of “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” by The Stones on his list, to which I responded, “Even Superman had Kryptonite.” I got into the list so much that I felt it required a bit more than the Andy Warhol allotted time frame, so I decided to look into my musical collection (not an easy thing to do) and pick my actual 15 favorite covers of all time.

Here we go in no particular order:

1- "Someday One Day/Algun Dia" - Soda Stereo (Queen) I remember Henry Mena stating so eloquently once what it is that makes a good cover song. So eloquently in fact, he was never able to remember exactly what he said again. One criterion was the ability to somehow add something to an already great song. I believe that you have to make the song your own as much as you can. If you don’t, then you are just doing someone else’s song, and making no artistic contribution whatsoever. I admit I never heard the original of this song, but Soda Stereo happens to be one of my all time favorite bands. I can tell you that this song sounds like it could have very well been written by Soda, as it totally sounds like what they do, and they are nothing like Queen at all. I think that would be pretty much illustrating both Henry’s point and mine about a good cover in a nutshell.

2- "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" - Marvin Gaye (Smokey Robinson & The Miracles) OK...Technically The Miracles recorded it first, then Gladys Knight & The Pips recorded it a few months after Marvin Gaye did, but released their version a year earlier. It was a modest chart hit for Gladys, but come on; I think we all know who is better associated with this song...and if you don't, read some of Marvin Gaye's interviews on the subject and he will remind you.

3- "Sweet Jane" - Cowboy Junkies (The Velvet Underground) Lou Reed has never been to keen on anyone covering his songs, and over the years he has been uncharacteristically vocal about it. I guess if I were one of the greatest song writers in music I would have a bug up my ass about it too. But this is one cover that he actually endorsed.

4- "Hurt" - Johnny Cash (NIN) The fear and pain in this is even more powerful than the original. And as haunting as the song is, the video leaves an even bigger impression on your psyche. Shot right before the death of his wife June, both of them seem to be living on borrowed time, a large full banquet table where only they sit, contemplating what the great mystery holds for them both, seemingly resigning themselves to their fate. She died a few weeks after the video was shot, and he followed a few weeks later. I’m not a big believer in love, but whenever a couple die of “natural causes” that close to each other, it kinda makes you think that one couldn’t possibly live without the other, it kinda makes you believe in soulmates.

5- "She Sells Sanctuary" - Keane (The Cult) Blasphemy considering this is my all time favorite song, but this is a great cover. A very good modern version of this song.

6- "Wild Horses" - The Sundays (The Rolling Stones) I remember listing a few of my favorite Stones covers a while back, and this one made my list for the same that same reason a good cover is a good cover. I still resent the fact that it was in a Budweiser ad a few years ago, but I am slowly learning to accept that commercials are the only place to hear (ironically enough) non-commercial sounding alternative rock.

7- "I Want Candy" - Bow Wow Wow (The Strangeloves) I actually didn’t even know this was a cover song for decades after I heard it. If anything, I thought it borrowed more from Bo Diddley than any other band.

8- "Good Times" - INXS & Jimmy Barnes (The Easybeats) Same thing as the last one. I never thought this had been done before, much less written by someone else, although the references to so many characters in older songs like Long Tall Sally and Short Fat Fanny should have been a dead giveaway. The contrasting vocals from the smooth Michael Hutchense to that rough and raw, Australian outback, Bon Scott-esque Jimmy Barnes plays perfectly here.

9- "Crimson & Clover" - Joan Jett & the Backhearts (Tommy James & The Shondells) If there is one person who I always thought was totally underrated and ahead of their time, it’s Tommy James. He used that “wall of sound” idea just as good as anyone, and his songs have been covered for decades. But worse, while Madonna is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Tommy James is not.

10- "Money (That's What I Want)" - The Beatles (Barrett Strong) Didn’t know this was a cover did you? It’s OK neither did I for the first few years.

11- “Nothing Compares 2 U” – Sinead O’Connor (Prince) Before Sinead was ripping up the Pope’s picture and impersonating a cue ball, she made some very interesting music. One of the first to collaborate with hip-hop artists and having a totally uncompromising, original voice. Once again, although I admittedly saw Prince’s stamp on this, she totally made it her own. Have you ever heard the cliché “So sad it makes you wanna cry?” Yeah it’s usually never true, but in this case it is. Few songs actually have that power; I assure you this one does.

12- “Dancing Days” – Stone Temple Pilots (Led Zeppelin) On Mena’s list I put STP’s cover of “Revolution” by The Beatles, but this brings me to the second part of what makes a good cover, and that is, don’t waste your time doing someone else’s signature song, or something close to it, because you might do a great version, but will never truly make it your own. This is not “Stairway to Heaven” so this can be covered. STP balances the tone of the original with a nice modern alternative vibe, not an easy thing to do.

13- “Satisfaction” – DEVO (The Rolling Stones) I didn’t put it on Mena’s 15 because he already had it on, and I didn’t wanna overkill it, but this really is one of the greatest covers of all time. Not necessarily one of my favorite songs, but the concepts of what makes a great cover are all illustrated on this one more than on any other. DEVO does something totally original with someone else’s song here, and really, can you watch Joe Pesci doing a mountain of coke then putting someone’s head in a vice in the movie “Casino” without this in the background?

14- “Wild Night” – John Mellencamp & Me'Shell Ndege'ocello (Van Morrison) Fuck you I liked it!

15- "Little Red Rooster" - Rolling Stones (Howlin' Wolf/Willie Dixon) Who wrote this first is actually lost to history. Look, in case you missed it, the Rolling Stones are the greatest band of all time, and their covers, particularly of blues songs, have at many times, eclipsed the original versions. Even their cover of “I Wanna Be Your Man” is better than the original, and that one was written by two guys named John Lennon and Paul McCartney. I almost wanted to put Bo Diddley’s “Mona” on here instead, but I love the original too much, coupled with the fact that I got to see Eric Clapton come on stage and do ”Little Red Rooster” with the Stones, in a place that doesn't even exist anymore (Decades after this pic was taken of course, Jesus I'm not that fucking old!).

But First...Some Random Thoughts 2/10/11

You know what the ugliest, most unattractive thing on a woman is, especially an older one? Intellectual insecurity.

Am I the only one with an overwhelming urge to trip a chick that’s walking down an icy black snowed street wearing huge heels and cackling loudly on a phone?

Am I wrong for silently celebrating a hot girl who ignored me in school getting so fat and weary looking I actually confused her with her mother?

Would I be marginalizing the great singer/songwriter/innovator/musical genius Lou Reed if I said that his music was amazing to watch a girl in your room strip to? I mean it's not like I have not given his music the serious praise it deserves, but being a simple objective observer, it certainly does work for that.



NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS

I don’t know about you, but I for one stand strongly behind the GOP and Congressman Christopher Lee (R-NY). I truly believe that he was set up, and there is no way that he sent a shirtless picture of himself to a woman he met on craigslist. And I think that all of us should refuse to lend credibility to an obviously staged sex scandal. The undeniable proof? It is a heterosexual sex scandal. Seriously, when was that last time that happened with Republicans?
I will say one thing for the guy, what he lacks in brains (seriously he is a public figure, did he think he could hide his identity? He’s not Clark Kent) he makes up for in expediency; the guy resigned within hours of the breaking news and didn’t allow this to be come a bigger distraction.

SPORTS

Jerry Sloan is already in the Basketball Hall of Fame, but even those credentials could not get him to see eye to eye with Deron Williams, and in the true definition of “taking one for the team” he knew that Williams wouldn’t re sign with the Utah Jazz if Sloane was still the coach. He is an old school coach, and I don’t know how well that translates to today’s game, but the man does know basketball. 23 years coaching one team and they made it to the playoffs 19 times and the finals twice, and that’s without making a habit of signing free agents.

THIS WEEK’S REASON WHY TERRORISTS WANNA KILL US

I love technology and all, but if this contraption really and truly replaces the aesthetic and illustration contained in a book for you, then you are a moron.